What Motherhood Changed About the Way I Lead

Motherhood changed the way I look at people.

It changed the way I think about time.

It changed what I consider urgent.

It changed how I define a good employee.

It changed how I think about flexibility.

It changed the way I handle mistakes.

And it changed the kind of leader I want to be.

I’m Erica Roybal.

I’m a mother, entrepreneur, esthetics educator, author, and founder of Denver Dream Medspa and Elite Aesthetics Academy.

Before becoming a mother, I already cared about performance.

I cared about reliability.

Standards.

Professionalism.

Results.

I still do.

But motherhood added another layer.

It made me more aware that every employee is a person carrying a life I cannot fully see.

A child.

A parent.

A medical appointment.

A school schedule.

A financial worry.

A family problem.

A day that did not go as planned.

That awareness did not make me stop believing in accountability.

It made me want to lead with more context.

Because I have learned that:

Compassion and accountability are not opposites.

Good leadership needs both.

Motherhood Made Me More Aware of the Invisible Load People Carry

Before I became a mother, I understood intellectually that people had lives outside of work.

Motherhood made that much more real.

A parent may show up to work after:

Being awake with a sick child.

Managing a school issue.

Handling childcare.

Packing lunches.

Coordinating appointments.

Carrying the mental load of everything happening at home.

That does not mean performance expectations disappear.

But it changes how I think about the person behind the performance.

Sometimes someone needs coaching.

Sometimes flexibility.

Sometimes accountability.

Sometimes all three.

I Became Less Quick to Assume I Knew the Whole Story

This has probably been one of the biggest shifts.

If someone seems distracted, tired, or off, there may be more happening than what I can see.

That does not mean I ignore problems.

It means I ask more questions before deciding what the problem actually is.

I try to distinguish between:

A pattern.

And a hard week.

That matters.

One Bad Day Is Not the Same as a Bad Employee

Motherhood taught me how much life can change in 24 hours.

A child gets sick.

Childcare falls through.

Something happens at school.

You barely sleep.

You still show up.

You are not at your best.

I do not think one difficult day should automatically define someone.

I care more about patterns.

Is the person usually:

Reliable?

Prepared?

Professional?

Accountable?

Trying?

That tells me much more.

But Motherhood Did Not Make Me Stop Believing in Standards

This is important.

Understanding someone’s circumstances does not mean the business can function without expectations.

Clients still need to be taken care of.

Students still need consistency.

Coworkers still need support.

Safety still matters.

Deadlines still matter.

The business still has to operate.

Empathy does not mean:

Anything goes.

It means understanding context while still protecting the standard.

I Learned That Flexibility Has to Be Sustainable

I believe in flexibility when possible.

Especially for parents.

But flexibility only works if it does not continually transfer the burden onto someone else.

If one employee repeatedly leaves early and another employee always has to stay late, that creates a new problem.

The goal is not unlimited accommodation.

The goal is reasonable flexibility with clear expectations.

Flexibility Works Best When There Is Trust

If someone has consistently shown:

Reliability.

Communication.

Follow-through.

Accountability.

I naturally feel more comfortable being flexible when something unexpected happens.

Trust creates room.

That is true in almost every relationship.

Communication Matters More Than the Emergency Itself

I understand that life happens.

What becomes much harder to manage is silence.

If someone cannot come in.

Is running late.

Needs help.

Has a family issue.

Tell us.

Early communication gives the business options.

No communication creates chaos.

Motherhood actually made me more understanding of emergencies and less understanding of avoidable communication failures.

I Became More Protective of People’s Time

This one changed a lot for me.

Time is different to me now.

I do not want unnecessary meetings.

I do not want people staying late because nobody planned properly.

I do not want employees sitting around because management has not created clarity.

People have lives.

If I ask for their time, I want it to matter.

I Think More Carefully About Scheduling

Especially in service businesses.

Schedules affect:

Childcare.

School pickup.

Transportation.

Family time.

Second jobs.

Rest.

That does not mean every schedule request can be approved.

Businesses need coverage.

But I understand now why predictability can matter so much to an employee.

A schedule is not just a grid.

It affects an entire household.

I Appreciate Reliable Parents Differently Now

There are employees who consistently show up while managing a tremendous amount outside work.

I notice that.

Someone who communicates.

Plans.

Gets coverage appropriately.

Shows up prepared.

Still treats clients well.

That takes organization.

Parenthood can build skills that are incredibly valuable at work.

Motherhood Made Me More Interested in Outcomes Than Optics

I care less about whether someone looks busy.

I care more about:

Did the work get done?

Were clients taken care of?

Did the team have what they needed?

Was the result good?

Was the deadline met?

Did the standard hold?

Someone sitting at a desk for 10 hours is not automatically more productive than someone who does excellent work in seven.

Presence is not performance.

I Became Less Impressed by Martyrdom

This applies to employees and owners.

Working constantly is not automatically admirable.

Never taking a day off is not automatically leadership.

Coming in sick and making everyone else sick is not commitment.

Sometimes professionalism means knowing when to stop.

I respect hard work.

I do not want exhaustion to become the company culture.

I Do Not Want to Build a Workplace Where People Have to Choose Between Being a Good Parent and a Good Employee Every Day

There will always be conflicts.

That is real life.

But if the structure constantly forces people into impossible choices, I think leadership should examine the structure.

Can we improve:

Scheduling?

Communication?

Coverage?

Planning?

Cross-training?

Not every issue can be fixed.

But some can.

Motherhood Made Me Think More About the Workplace I Would Want for My Son One Day

This is a question I ask sometimes.

If my son worked here one day, would I think the expectations were fair?

Would I want his manager to communicate clearly?

Would I want him to be held accountable?

Yes.

Would I also want him to be treated like a human being?

Absolutely.

That perspective helps me.

I Want Employees to Have Lives Outside of Work

A job should matter.

But I do not think the company should become someone’s entire identity.

I want employees to:

Have families.

Have hobbies.

Rest.

Take trips.

Have interests.

Be whole people.

I think healthier people often become better employees.

I Also Believe Employees Owe the Business Reliability

This is the other side.

A healthy workplace is reciprocal.

The company should respect people.

People should respect the company.

That means:

Showing up.

Communicating.

Doing the work.

Protecting clients.

Supporting the team.

Honoring commitments.

Respect has to move both directions.

Motherhood Made Me Better at Distinguishing Between Need and Preference

Someone may prefer a certain schedule.

That is different from a genuine need.

Someone may prefer not to have a difficult conversation.

That is different from needing support.

Leadership requires judgment.

If everything is treated as equally important, nothing is.

I Became More Comfortable Asking: What Do You Need?

Sometimes the answer surprises you.

Someone may not need:

Time off.

They may need:

A later start.

A different shift.

A temporary adjustment.

A clear answer.

Support does not always mean giving someone everything they ask for.

Sometimes it means helping solve the actual problem.

I Became More Comfortable Saying No Too

This is also part of motherhood.

I understand needs better.

I also understand limits better.

The business cannot always accommodate everything.

Sometimes the answer has to be:

No.

Or:

Not this time.

Or:

We can do this instead.

A clear no can be more respectful than a resentful yes.

Motherhood Made Boundaries Make More Sense to Me

Boundaries are not about being cold.

They help protect:

Employees.

Managers.

Owners.

Clients.

If expectations are unclear, resentment grows.

Clear boundaries tell people:

What is expected.

What is flexible.

What is not.

That actually creates safety.

I Do Not Want Employees Afraid to Tell Me They Have a Problem

Fear delays communication.

Delayed communication makes problems worse.

I want people to feel comfortable saying:

I made a mistake.

I need help.

I do not understand.

Something happened.

That gives us a chance to solve it.

But Psychological Safety Does Not Mean Freedom From Accountability

This distinction matters.

I want people to be safe enough to speak honestly.

I do not want a culture where nobody can be corrected.

Feedback is part of work.

So is accountability.

A strong culture should allow both:

I can tell the truth here.

And:

I am still responsible for my performance.

I Became More Thoughtful About How I Give Feedback

Words matter.

Especially when someone is already stressed.

I try to focus on:

The behavior.

The expectation.

The impact.

The correction.

Not personal attacks.

Instead of:

“You are careless.”

Say:

“This documentation was incomplete on these three occasions. Here is the standard moving forward.”

Specific feedback is more useful.

And more respectful.

I Think More About Tone

The message matters.

The tone matters too.

You can say something true in a way that humiliates someone.

That does not make the leadership better.

I still want clarity.

I just do not believe cruelty improves performance.

Motherhood Made Me More Patient With Learning Curves

Children learn through repetition.

Adults do too.

I am more aware now that someone may need:

Practice.

Repetition.

Feedback.

Another explanation.

That is normal.

The question is whether the person is progressing.

Progress Matters More Than Immediate Perfection

For newer employees especially.

I ask:

Are they improving?

Do they implement feedback?

Do they ask questions?

Do they make the same mistake less often?

Growth tells me a lot.

I Became Less Patient With Repeated Avoidable Problems

This sounds contradictory.

It is not.

I became more patient with learning.

Less patient with refusal.

There is a difference between:

I am still learning how to do this.

and:

I know the standard and continue choosing not to follow it.

Those are different management problems.

Motherhood Made Me More Sensitive to Burnout

I recognize the signs differently now.

Someone may become:

Less patient.

More forgetful.

Detached.

Short-tempered.

Slower.

Not every performance problem is burnout.

But burnout can create performance problems.

If a strong employee suddenly changes, I want to understand why.

I Also Understand That Businesses Cannot Solve Every Personal Problem

Leadership has limits.

The company can support.

Be flexible when possible.

Provide resources.

Communicate.

But the workplace cannot become responsible for solving every difficulty in someone’s life.

That is not sustainable either.

I Want People to Ask for Help Before They Break

This is part of the culture I want.

Do not wait until:

You missed five deadlines.

You cannot function.

A client is affected.

Tell us earlier.

Good teams solve problems before they become crises.

Motherhood Made Me Respect Mental Load More

There is visible work.

And invisible work.

The person who remembers:

The inventory.

The schedule.

The client follow-up.

The forms.

The birthdays.

The training deadline.

That mental load is work too.

I pay more attention now to who is carrying it.

I Try Not to Let the Most Responsible Person Become Responsible for Everything

This happens in teams.

You have one incredibly reliable employee.

So every time something goes wrong:

Give it to her.

Because you know she will handle it.

Eventually your strongest employee gets punished for being strong.

I do not want that.

Reliability should create opportunity.

Not endless extra work.

Motherhood Made Me More Aware of Emotional Labor

Some employees become the person everyone goes to.

They calm clients.

Support coworkers.

Solve conflicts.

That contribution may not appear directly in production reports.

But it affects culture.

I notice it more now.

I Still Believe Numbers Matter

Empathy does not make business math disappear.

I care about:

Production.

Retention.

Rebooking.

Revenue.

Utilization.

Lead conversion.

Because those numbers support jobs.

A business that cannot afford its team cannot protect its team.

Financial health matters.

Motherhood Actually Made Me Care More About Financial Stability

Because jobs affect families.

Payroll is not just a business expense.

It is:

Rent.

Groceries.

Childcare.

A mortgage.

Savings.

Employees depend on the business being healthy.

That makes financial discipline feel more human to me, not less.

I Think Profit and People Can Coexist

Sometimes business conversations frame the choice as:

Care about employees.

Or care about profit.

I reject that.

Profitability supports:

Payroll.

Benefits.

Training.

Equipment.

Raises.

Stability.

Opportunities.

If the business is not financially healthy, everyone becomes more vulnerable.

Good leadership has to care about both.

Motherhood Made Me More Cautious About Overhiring

Every hire is a person.

Not just a role.

If I hire someone and the business cannot realistically support the position, that affects her too.

I would rather grow thoughtfully than create jobs I cannot sustain.

I Think More About Stability When Hiring

Can this role survive:

A slow month?

Seasonality?

A dip in demand?

I do not want to build headcount simply to look like we are growing.

I want sustainable positions.

I Became More Serious About Training

If I expect someone to succeed, I need to give them a real chance.

That means:

Clear onboarding.

Protocols.

Feedback.

Practice.

Expectations.

Training is not generosity.

It is part of management.

I Want Employees to Know What Success Looks Like

Uncertainty is stressful.

People should know:

What matters?

What is measured?

What is expected?

Where am I doing well?

Where do I need to improve?

Clarity reduces unnecessary anxiety.

I Became More Consistent About Addressing Problems Earlier

This is one of the ways motherhood made me more direct.

Avoiding a problem does not make it go away.

Whether it is with a child, employee, or business issue.

Talk about it.

Correct it.

Do not let resentment build for six months.

Early conversations are often kinder.

I Want People to Leave a Feedback Conversation Knowing What to Do Next

Not simply feeling bad.

If someone leaves thinking:

“My boss is upset with me.”

but has no idea how to correct the issue, the conversation failed.

I want them to understand:

What happened.

What needs to change.

How success will be measured.

Motherhood Made Me Think More About the Difference Between Discipline and Punishment

Punishment is about making someone feel bad.

Discipline is about creating a standard and correction.

I care much more about the second.

That applies to leadership too.

I Became More Aware of How Public Correction Can Feel

I do not want to embarrass employees.

If feedback can be private, it should generally be private.

People can learn without being humiliated.

Public praise.

Private correction.

That principle makes sense to me.

I Want Employees to Feel Seen for What They Do Right

This became more important to me too.

Correcting is easy.

Recognition sometimes gets forgotten.

I try to notice:

Growth.

Reliability.

Good client feedback.

Initiative.

Helping someone.

Excellent work.

People should know what they are doing well.

Being a Mother Made Me More Aware That Words Stick

A careless comment from a leader can stay with someone for years.

That does not mean avoiding hard truths.

It means being intentional.

You can be direct without destroying someone’s confidence.

I Do Not Want People to Fear Me

Respect matters to me.

Fear does not.

If employees hide mistakes because they are afraid of my reaction, I cannot lead effectively.

I need accurate information.

That requires trust.

I Also Do Not Want to Be Afraid of My Employees

This is something leaders rarely say.

Sometimes owners avoid feedback because they are afraid someone will:

Quit.

Get angry.

Be offended.

Post something online.

So the employee begins managing the manager.

That is unhealthy too.

I want respectful relationships.

But leadership still requires leadership.

I Became Better at Accepting That Not Everyone Will Like Me

Motherhood helped with this.

You can make a decision that is necessary and still have someone unhappy with you.

That is true with children.

That is true with employees.

Being liked cannot be the primary leadership metric.

Fairness matters more.

I Think More About Fairness Than Sameness

Fair does not always mean identical.

Different situations can require different responses.

But there should be a clear, legitimate reason.

I want decisions to be explainable.

Not arbitrary.

Motherhood Made Me More Aware of Who Gets Left Carrying the Consequences

If I avoid dealing with one employee’s performance, who carries that?

Usually:

The stronger employee.

The manager.

The client.

That perspective changed how I think about accountability.

Sometimes holding one person accountable is how you protect everyone else.

I Became More Protective of My Best Employees

Reliable people should not always have to save the day.

I want them to grow.

Earn more.

Take opportunities.

Not simply absorb every problem because they can.

I Think More About Career Development

I want employees to leave better than they arrived.

More skilled.

More confident.

More professional.

Even if they do not stay forever.

That feels meaningful to me as both an educator and owner.

I Do Not Expect Every Employee to Stay Forever

This became easier for me to accept.

People change.

Goals change.

Some employees will eventually:

Move.

Change careers.

Open businesses.

That is okay.

My goal is not to own people’s careers.

It is to create a strong working relationship while they are part of the organization.

I Want Departures to Be Professional

People can leave without becoming enemies.

I care about:

Notice.

Communication.

Client transition.

Respect.

Confidentiality.

How someone leaves says a lot.

How the business handles it says a lot too.

Motherhood Made Me More Interested in Legacy Than Control

I do not want my legacy to be:

Everything went through Erica.

I want it to be:

She built people.

She taught.

She created opportunity.

She created standards.

The business became stronger.

That matters more to me.

I Think More About What I Am Modeling

My son sees how I treat people.

Maybe not every conversation.

But he sees the person I become because of work.

Am I constantly angry?

Stressed?

Short with people?

Do I speak about employees with respect?

Do I treat people like numbers?

Leadership follows me home.

That matters.

I Want My Son to See That You Can Be Powerful Without Being Cruel

This is one of the values I care most about.

You can:

Lead.

Have authority.

Set expectations.

Make difficult decisions.

Say no.

Fire someone if necessary.

And still treat people with dignity.

Power does not require cruelty.

I Want Him to See That Kindness Does Not Mean Weakness

The other side matters too.

You can care deeply and still have boundaries.

You can understand someone and still require change.

You can give another chance and still know when there should not be another one.

That is a type of strength I value.

Motherhood Made Me Think About the Type of Boss I Hope My Son Has One Day

I hope his future boss:

Sets clear expectations.

Pays him fairly.

Treats him with respect.

Holds him accountable.

Gives feedback.

Recognizes good work.

Understands that he has a life outside work.

And I hope my son gives that employer the same professionalism in return.

That is the kind of workplace relationship I want to build now.

I Want to Create the Kind of Workplace I Would Want Someone I Love to Work In

That is probably the simplest way to explain it.

Not a workplace with no standards.

A workplace with:

High standards.

Clear expectations.

Humanity.

Opportunity.

Fairness.

Accountability.

Respect.

Frequently Asked Questions About Motherhood and Leadership

Does becoming a mother make you a better leader?

Motherhood does not automatically make someone a better leader, but it changed my leadership significantly. It made me more aware of context, time, mental load, flexibility, communication, and the lives employees carry outside work.

How has motherhood changed your management style?

I am more interested in patterns than isolated bad days, more thoughtful about flexibility and scheduling, more direct about expectations, and more aware that empathy and accountability need to exist together.

Can you be an empathetic boss and still hold employees accountable?

Absolutely. I do not think empathy means eliminating standards. It means understanding context, communicating clearly, and correcting performance without unnecessarily demeaning the person.

How should business owners handle employees who are parents?

I think parents should be held to professional expectations while also being treated with reasonable humanity and flexibility where the business can sustainably provide it. Clear communication and predictable policies help everyone.

Should employers be flexible with childcare emergencies?

Circumstances vary, but I believe reasonable flexibility can be valuable when operationally possible. The employee also has a responsibility to communicate as early as possible and follow applicable company procedures.

Does work-life balance matter to employee performance?

I believe it can. Chronic exhaustion, unpredictable scheduling, and poor boundaries can affect performance, morale, and retention. A sustainable workplace still requires strong accountability.

How do you balance compassion with business needs?

I try to ask what the person needs, what the business can reasonably accommodate, how the decision affects the rest of the team, and whether the underlying performance standard is still being met.

What do you value most in employees now?

Reliability, honesty, coachability, communication, good judgment, accountability, initiative, client care, and the ability to work well as part of a team.

How do you manage working moms without lowering standards?

By separating legitimate flexibility from performance standards. A schedule may sometimes be adjusted while expectations around client care, communication, professionalism, and results remain clear.

Has motherhood made you softer as a leader?

I would not describe it that way. It made me more empathetic in some situations and more direct in others. I am more aware of what people carry, but also more aware of how one person’s behavior affects the rest of the team.

What Motherhood Taught Me About Leadership

People need clarity.

People need accountability.

People need respect.

People sometimes need flexibility.

People need to know when they are doing well.

People need to know when something needs to change.

And businesses need to be healthy enough to support the people inside them.

I do not believe good leadership lives at one extreme.

It is not:

Be endlessly accommodating.

And it is not:

Treat everyone like replaceable labor.

It is somewhere in the middle.

Human.

Structured.

Fair.

Clear.

The Leader I Am Trying to Become

I want to be the kind of leader who can say:

I understand.

And:

This still needs to change.

The kind who can give people room without creating chaos.

The kind who notices effort but still measures outcomes.

The kind who protects strong employees from constantly carrying everyone else.

The kind who does not avoid difficult conversations.

The kind who remembers there is a human being on the other side of the performance review.

The kind who builds people, not just revenue.

I am still learning.

Motherhood did not give me all the answers.

It gave me a different lens.

And I think that lens has made me a more thoughtful leader.

— Erica Roybal

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